Nature vs. Nurture

When we were in college, my roommate and best friend Rebecca and I took a lot of psychology classes. We were struck by how often the phrase "nature vs. nurture" appeared in our textbooks, and, being longtime nerds attending the College of William and Mary, the phrase soon became a frequent source of merriment for us. "Psst," one of us would hiss, highlighter poised over some weighty tome, "here it is again!  Do you think it's nature or nurture?"  Either eye rolling or hilarity would ensue. 

I've been thinking a lot about our old catchphrase lately. Back in March our second child, Annabelle, was diagnosed prenatally with a rare genetic disorder. The last few months of my pregnancy were filled with pain and uncertainty. Because Annabelle's disorder is so rare, no one could tell us what it would mean for her.  My mind reeled with visions of a vegetable-child, unable to walk or communicate in any way, stuck in a wheelchair with a blank stare.  My heart hoped for a child who was only a "little bit off."  I knew that reality would most likely fall somewhere in the middle, but I still searched desperately for any information that might help us anticipate what our daughter would be like.  

Finally I took the time to really look at the homepage for Unique, a group in the U.K. that provides support and information for children and families dealing with rare genetic disorders.  While reading about the possible consequences of my yet-unborn baby's genetic condition, I began to feel more and more scared.  Learning disabilities, health problems, difficulties with walking, talking, seizures.  Then I came across this sentence:  

There are many other factors besides a person's chromosomal disorder that affect how they develop, for example, the unique mixture of genes on their other normal chromosomes, the environment in which they are raised and so forth.

There it was again:  nature vs. nurture.  What causes us to be who we are?  Is it all in our genes, or can the environment we live in, the way we are raised, the opportunities we have for growth and new experiences really make a difference?  Of course, the reason Rebecca and I always laughed or rolled our eyes when we read about the nature vs. nurture debate was that the answer is always "some of both."  We are not defined solely by our genes, nor entirely by our environment.  Both work together to make us who we are.  And on the Unique website I found reason to be hopeful for my baby's future:  she would not be defined solely by her defective genes.  Both her other, non-affected, genes and the way we would choose to raise her could affect her development, her abilities, her potential.  Finally, some sense of optimism and even of control.  Yes, we passed on some troubles to our child.  But we also passed on her father's physical abilities and sociability, her mother's facility with languages, her grandmother's kindness, her great-grandmother's artistic streak, her grandfather's talent for science, her granddude's energy and attention to detail, her nana's talents in the kitchen.  And we had the opportunity to give her love, affection, discipline, and a variety of wonderful experiences.  We had the chance to make a real difference in her life by guiding her in her discovery of the world, however limited her abilities might be.  

After finding this new source of comfort, an idea for our baby's name came to me.  Our older daughter, Sophie, has the middle name Joy.  I gave her that name because it sounds pretty and because it is her grandmother's middle name and my best friend's middle name.  But when I chose it I had no idea that Sophie would be such a joyful child.  The name fit so well.  So we decided her sister should have a similar middle name.  We had been thinking of Grace, but after we learned about the baby's genetic condition, we thought it wasn't fair to give her a name she might never live up to.  So instead, we chose Hope.  Several weeks later, our baby girl arrived.  And now we have Annabelle Hope.  Everyday we think about her future, strive to make her always feel loved and cared for, and hang onto the hope that nature and nurture will combine to help her reach her fullest potential.